


Two Times Steve Wandered (Almost Naked) Around New York and One Time Tony Had A Good Reason For It

by angrilyhumstheimperialmarch



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: AU: everyone gets along post-Civil War, Gen, Natasha's sense of humor is A+, New York Pride, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Sam and Bucky think this is hilarious, Steve Rogers is hella gay, Steve is done, Tony owed Natasha a favor, also fox news is in there somewhere lol, this is me trying to write like 10 headcanons into one fic at 3 AM enjoy lol, well hella bi actually but "hella gay" flows better i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-07
Updated: 2016-07-07
Packaged: 2018-07-22 03:33:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7418152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angrilyhumstheimperialmarch/pseuds/angrilyhumstheimperialmarch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Really, Steve didn’t mean to be wandering around New York City, with only a rainbow flag stopping him from being ticketed for public indecency, in the middle of Pride Month. It just kind of happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two Times Steve Wandered (Almost Naked) Around New York and One Time Tony Had A Good Reason For It

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer I don't really follow the comics so if I get some details wrong about Bucky training the Black Widows back in the day I apologize. This fic is the lovechild of no sleep, crazy friends, and screaming headcanons at each other at 3 in the morning. Enjoy! (ALSO THE AVENGERS ARE IN THE TOWER INSTEAD OF THE COMPOUND BECAUSE I LIKE THE TOWER BETTER)

Really, Steve didn’t mean to be wandering around New York City, with only a rainbow flag stopping him from being ticketed for public indecency, in the middle of Pride Month. It just kind of happened. Surprisingly, Steve wasn’t as shocked as he thought he should’ve been, seeing as a similar thing had happened about a month and a half ago. It took a week for Fox News to shut up about his incident with the American flag, and there were still pictures floating around the internet, but people had, for the most part, finally stopped talking about it. Steve wasn’t entirely sure who to blame for this new turn of events, but Bucky and Sam standing a few yards away giggling and waving little matching flags didn’t ease his suspicions. He marched over to the duo, colorful flag wrapped and held firmly around his body, thank you very much, and opened his mouth to demand an explanation. They gave in without Steve having to say a single word. Gasped out between barely-contained laughter was the word ‘Stark’. Of course. Before he could tell them exactly how dead they were about to be, microphones were shoved in his face and jabbering reporters filled his ears.

“Cap, is this an official ‘coming out’?”

“Do you have any comment?”

“Are you currently in a relationship?”

“Will you be attending future Pride events?”

“What does this mean for the future of Captain America?”

Honestly, Steve wasn’t paying much attention to what they were asking. One thing was running through his mind, and he probably should have thought before he spoke. Oh well. 

“Tony Stark is a dead man!”

With that shocking revelation, the Star-Spangled (Rainbow-Spangled?) Man With A Plan sprinted away, two giggling superheroes jogging after him. 

 

Tony usually had a good reason for randomly dropping a disoriented Steve somewhere in New York. Usually. The first time, he owed Natasha a favor.

 

It was always “Hey, Sideburns” or “Sideburns is over there” or some variation, but Natasha called Bucky by the same awful nickname every chance she got and nobody else knew why. Bucky wouldn’t say, Steve didn’t know, and nobody dared question Natasha. Eventually, Tony got sick of not knowing (“It’s genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, Pep. I can’t be a genius if I don’t know everything.”), and figured the answer must be somewhere in Hydra’s leaked files. He rolled up his sleeves, got to work, and hunted down every file on both the Winter Soldier and the Black Widow program… only to face a wall of Cyrillic gibberish. Everything was in Russian. Fuck.

Instead of doing the logical thing and translating everything, Tony made a list of any possible reason to nickname Bucky “Sideburns”, no matter how improbable. The one that made the most sense to Tony was ‘Hydra gave Bucky crazy Wolverine-level sideburns at some point. Probably the 70s.’ If he thought about it, the logic checked out. Both Logan and Bucky had metal limbs for fighting (the claws totally counted as limbs. Shut up. Tony was very drunk.), both were experimented on by a super secret organization, both had James as their first name, both were beefcakes who had trouble remembering their past. It made perfect sense. Shhhhhh.

Tony couldn’t confirm his theory, however, thanks to a lack of footage of the Soldier. It’s almost like he was actively avoiding being caught on camera while on a mission or something. The only two people he could ask were Nat and Bucky, and he didn’t really want to tell Bucky he had been stalking him and studying his facial hair. 

“You really wanna know why I call him that?”

Well, duh.

“It’s a pretty deep secret… What do I get if I tell you?” She had the Look on her face. Natasha was playing with him, she wasn’t going to let him go, and Tony knew it.

But he kinda really wanted to know the story behind the nickname, so…

“I’ll do literally anything you want.” A bad decision, really, but his still-half-drunken brain thought it was a better idea than offering her something she wouldn’t like. 

“His name sounds like the Russian for ‘sideburns’. Once upon a time he was allowed to remember his name, and I was a little kid the first time we met. He introduced himself to all of us when Hydra assigned him to train the Widows, and I misheard. You understand why I didn’t ask for clarification.”

That…. Wasn’t what Tony was expecting at all. She misheard him? Really? 

“So, about that 'anything I want'…"

 

And that was how Steve ended up in the middle of New York City, confused as hell, wearing just the American flag. 

As for the Rainbow flag incident, well, Tony usually had a good reason for messing with Steve, but that was not one of those times.

**Author's Note:**

> Type "Bucky" into google translate, then translate it into Russian. Now translate it back. I wasn't joking about his name sounding like the Russian for 'sideburns'. Thanks for reading my first fic! (ONE LAST THING TONY WAS A DEAD MAN BECAUSE OF STEVE ONLY HAVING THE FLAG AS CLOTHING NOT BECAUSE TONY OUTED HIM, STEVE WAS OPENLY HELLA GAY BEFORE THIS IN MY HEADCANONS, THE NEWS IS JUST SUPER DUMB IDK I FEEL LIKE THAT COULD BE TAKEN THE WRONG WAY AND I WANTED TO CLARIFY, OK BYE I LOVE YOU DRIVE SAFE)


End file.
